It’s Wednesday. It’s blog day. It’s also one of those days. People who have never fought depression probably can’t imagine what it’s like to wake up depressed. It’s hard to face waking up at all when you know as soon as you open your eyes that the day is going to be a battle day. It’s hard to throw off the blankets and put your feet on the floor. It’s hard to stumble to the kitchen and put water on to heat while it’s still dark outside and even darker inside.
Just getting up today was a triumph. That was a battle won, right there. Fixing my coffee, getting my notebook, writing Morning Pages…every little action was a battle won. I knew the big battle would be convincing myself to Sweat to the Oldies. There is never a time I need it more than when I wake up depressed and there is never a time when I feel less like doing it.
That’s why I need Richard Simmons. I need to get a good workout and I can’t depend on my depressed self to do anything except follow instructions. I don’t have enough motivation to do a series of things. I can do one thing. I can put on my workout clothes. Then I can do another thing. I can go into the living room and turn on the DVD. After that, I just follow Richard. He gets me through an hour-long workout, one little exercise at a time. At some point in the middle of that workout, I start to feel better.
I thank God for Richard Simmons. I never in my life had a regular workout routine until I found Sweatin’ to the Oldies 2 and discovered how much my mood improves after an hour’s worth of exercise. I could never keep up with an exercise routine for the sake of my figure. I couldn’t even do it for the sake of my health. I don’t do it now for fitness. I do it because it never fails to bring light into my darkness.
I suppose I’ve written about this before. I will probably write about it again, some dark Wednesday when, one more time, it pulls me away from the edge of the pit. Today is blog day and it’s one of those days. I promised myself I would write every week and I promised myself I would tell the truth. The truth is, today was a bad day and Sweatin’ to the Oldies made it better.