Tag Archives: panic attack

Bleary Blog Day

I’ve been around the blogosphere long enough to know that there are bloggers out there who are so organized, they not only publish on a regular schedule, they have several drafts on hand at any given time. All they have to do is pick one and post it on blog day. I am not one of those bloggers. I do have a regular blog day. Sometimes I even think about starting to write my post ahead of that day, but I never actually do it. I also think about starting to write my post early in the morning of my blog day. I don’t do that, either.

I might think about my blog during the week and consider different ideas, but I always end up putting off the actual writing until my blog day bedtime is breathing down my neck. This does not allow for unforeseen circumstances, such as getting no sleep at all the night before my blog day. There’s no good story that goes with that, just a weird panic attack in the dark. It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does happen, I have to get up and go in search of light.

I try not to disturb my poor husband, who needs to sleep before rising early and heading out to a soul-sucking office job every weekday morning. I just grab a flashlight and go to the living room, where I can turn on a real light. Or two or three, plus the television. Last night, I picked up my iPad mini and played every game on it to calm myself down. That kept the panic at bay but I didn’t really feel calm again until I went to Facebook and saw a post from a friend who lives in Europe. Hers was a “Good morning” post. She was drinking coffee and writing Morning Pages.

That was when I started to believe it really would get light again. It was already light in other parts of the world. I’m often surprised at the things that help when the anxiety is trying to spiral out of control. One evening, it was a PBS teaser for a show about Ireland. The minute I heard those Celtic fiddles, my anxiety started to melt away. For me, the least scary darkness of all is a darkness filled with fiddle tunes.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I need a blog post and I’m too bleary-eyed to come up with anything clever or profound. In such situations, I default to the truth. This is what happened to my blog day.

On the upside, I have a couple of paintings to share. These are the latest in my series of paintings of things I happened to find in my kitchen. This time, I found a peach and a pear. I painted them first on an 8” x 10” canvas and then again on an itty bitty canvas.

Peach and Pear

Peach and Pear


Tiny Peach and Pear

Tiny Peach and Pear


As you can see, orange is still my nemesis. Some day, I will make it my friend.