I’ve been keeping up with my painting this week but I have to admit, I got a little discouraged a couple of days ago. I was working on something with a small building in it and I could not get the perspective right on that building. My left brain kept telling me that the roof was a big rectangle and it wouldn’t listen when my right brain tried to tell it that all I could see of it was a thin rhombus. I could not get my left brain to let go of that rectangle. I tried for a while and then I just got frustrated and gessoed over the whole canvas.
That was one of those times when my inner critic had a field day. It told me I could not paint at all. It told me that I would never be able to paint and I should just give up. It said that I wasn’t getting any better; I was just getting worse. It went on and on but it couldn’t stop me because I have a much louder voice in me that says, “You set a goal. You must do everything in your power to meet it.”
I still felt as if things were not going well, but I knew I had to keep painting. Even right up until this morning, I would look at all of the paintings I had done this week and see nothing but problems. I hated every one of them and the only reason I didn’t give up was that pesky goal I had set for my third blog year. I needed two paintings a day, so I had to create two paintings a day. I kept going.
When I started working on today’s paintings, I was worried that I would just be toughing out my painting time to meet my goal. I was afraid that I would hate my paintings. I was afraid that I would never like any of my paintings again. All those fears fell away when I finally picked up a brush and started painting. I got lost in the process and I had fun. When the paintings were finished, I liked them.
I brought them inside and put them with the other paintings I had done this week. Something in me had shifted while I was working on the new paintings. Now I could look at the others and see that they were not all completely lame. There were problems, sure, but there were also things that worked.
In seven days, I did fifteen paintings and only eleven of them are tiny. I got brave enough to try a 5” x 7”, a couple of 8” x 10”s and one 12” x 12”. I don’t hate these paintings. I look at them now and I see progress.
That’s all I need to see.