Waiting for Dawn

Wednesdays come and Wednesdays go, but this has not been my best Wednesday ever. It started too early, for starters. I didn’t plan to wake up at three o’clock in the morning. I didn’t want to wake up at three o’clock in the morning. I’m not sure why I woke up at three o’clock in the morning, but once I was awake, I couldn’t get back to sleep. I gave up after a half-hour in which my dark bedroom just seemed to get darker and darker.

If you have never been afraid of the dark, you will not understand how heavily the darkness weighs on a person like me. I guess everyone is afraid of something. What is it for you? Deep water? Spiders? Clowns? Whatever it is, just imagine how you feel when you see that thing and you will have some idea of what happens to me when I have to face a dark room. I know it’s not a particularly rational reaction. Please don’t tell me there’s nothing in the dark that’s not there when it’s light. Believe me, I’ve heard it. It’s a big, fat lie. My fear is there and it’s as real as that spider crawling up your arm.

I may be a bit touchy about this subject. The point is, it was dark and I needed light. I couldn’t just turn on the bedroom light. My husband didn’t need to get up until five-thirty, so I couldn’t shine a big light in his face at three-thirty. I grabbed a flashlight and headed for the bedroom door. Once I had it shut behind me, I turned on the bathroom light. Then I turned on the kitchen light. Then I turned on the living room light. I put water on to heat for coffee and I grabbed the notebook in which I write my morning pages. Any time after midnight is, technically, morning.

I wrote. It helped. I drank coffee and wrote some more. I listed the things I could do that would make me feel better, like Sweatin’ to the Oldies and accomplishing things I had been putting off. I knew I would be okay once the sun came up, so I just kept writing to keep the darkness at bay. It’s always peeking in the windows and trying to get past the weatherstripping. Not on my watch, darkness!

I finished my morning pages and then I updated all my iPad games. I squished monsters in Springfield, I picked apples in Ponyville and I hatched out a Spunge or two in My Singing Monsters. I found hidden objects in Pearl’s Peril and Mirrors of Albion. I caught up with all my friends on Facebook. That doesn’t take long at four o’clock in the morning, if one has done it the night before. I went to Words with Friends to see if any of my Friends had come up with any Words. I am currently playing nine games, but seven of them are with my daughter, who rarely takes her turn. My other friend never fails, though, so I had two games to update. I had no vowels on one and almost no consonants on the other, but that just keeps things interesting, right?

When I ran out of games to update, I decided I might as well get my word count for NaNoWriMo. My novel might have taken a dark turn at that point if my novel made any linear sense at all, but it doesn’t, so that wasn’t a problem. Two thousand words later, the sun was up and I had survived the scary darkness, one more time.
In your face, darkness! The sun always rises.

6 thoughts on “Waiting for Dawn

  1. sarahcotchaleovitch

    I totally understand. Darkness does not always bother me, but there are some times (especially when I’m alone with the boys) that that aloneness and waking in the dark gets to me. I’m glad you were able to deal with it in a positive way, though. You won!

  2. Shearin Johnson

    I hate the darkness too. And this time of year, there is so much more of it! I have night lights all over the house so that the house is never totally dark. I enjoy reading your posts.

  3. fairywebmother

    Last night was sleepless, for me. I can remember a time when I felt the same way about darkness. Somewhere along the line, I changed. I began to find the light in the darkness, as my eyes adjusted. Last night (or this morning at 3 am), I came out of the bedroom reaching for the light switch in the hall. I realized, as I looked down the hall, that the living room was filled with moon light. So was the kitchen and dining room. There were still lots of challenging shadows, but I made friends with them as I walked out to the kitchen to make a pot of Tazo Calm Tea. When I turned on the light, all of those other shadows turned pitch black and I was actually more spooked then, than I was before I turned the light on. I honor and respect your fear of the dark. Been there, get that. Glad you were able to put it in it’s place.

    1. releaf1954 Post author

      I do have better nights. When I was on my big Western adventure, I made friends with the moon and stars. I remember remarking to Pat about it because I was not afraid. I guess I’m making progress. Thanks for reading and commenting.


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