A New Commitment

This is ridiculous. I thought I would have no trouble keeping up with my blog. I love to write. Writing is what I do when I don’t know what to do. Why, then, am I not keeping up with my blog? The obvious problem is that I’ve said I want this blog to motivate me to do other creative things, so if I’m not doing those things, I have nothing to blog about. My blog has a purpose and it is failing to achieve that purpose. Do I still deserve to have a blog?

I have a friend who suggested blog posts themselves should be counted as creative achievements. At the time, I thought that would make the whole thing too easy. My inner critic is laughing his head off. It’s an evil laugh. He thinks I’m a complete slacker and I will never do anything creative. I am determined to prove him wrong. If I don’t do anything else, I will do this one thing; I will write this blog. I’ve decided that I’m just going to do it. At least once a week, I will update this blog. If I haven’t done anything creative, I will blog about something else, but I will blog. I will not count blog entries on my list of fifty things, because that list is supposed to be for all the things I dream of doing but never do. Writing is something I do every day, thanks to Julia Cameron and The Artist’s Way.

If I can write Morning Pages every day, I can write a blog post once a week. Some entries will be entirely lame. I’ve decided to go ahead and live with that instead of trying to live with the fact that I am not keeping up with my blog. I would love to make every entry a polished gem about a wonderfully creative thing I have accomplished that week, but the truth is, I struggle. I resist. Instead of doing something creative, I might just read about someone else doing something creative. I might just read a fantasy novel or watch an uplifting movie. I might spend hours on Facebook, resisting the urge to correct people’s grammar.

I imagined doing that polished gem kind of blog and I imagined a perfect year of being creative in all the ways I have not been creative since I quit the cubical job, but I am learning that any blog I can actually keep up with will have to be more honest and real than that. I struggle. I will keep on struggling, because that’s what I do, but I will not neglect the blog. If I can’t do anything else, I can write. It’s what I do when I don’t know what to do.

7 thoughts on “A New Commitment

  1. fairywebmother

    I wonder if you are truly aligned with what you want to do? For years, I have been getting up every morning and the first thought that would enter my head would be “what do I need to do, today?” Try asking yourself what you WANT to do. I mean, in that moment. Say to yourself “what do I want to do, right now?”. Give yourself permission to do it. When you are sitting in bliss, working on a creative project, you attract more time, money, situations and events that will support doing more of it. FREE YOURSELF FROM GUILT, knowing that everyone in your life, who you think depend on you, have the same power to create their own experience. You are free. You are free. You are free. If you feel you can’t be that spontaneous, then schedule a day (or more) and let family know it’s a YOU day. You will have so much more to give them, if you “feed” yourself. You have my permission. 🙂

  2. releaf1954 Post author

    Thank you, for both permissions. I recognize the Emmanuel quote (“You are free. You are free. You are free.”) and I do believe it. I’m just stuck and I’m trying a lot of things to get unstuck. We’ll see how it goes.

    1. releaf1954 Post author

      Lots of women have male inner critics. Ask around. It all depends on who helped you build up that inner critic. Whose voice are you hearing when your inner critic speaks? It’s probably not your own.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s