This is ridiculous. I thought I would have no trouble keeping up with my blog. I love to write. Writing is what I do when I don’t know what to do. Why, then, am I not keeping up with my blog? The obvious problem is that I’ve said I want this blog to motivate me to do other creative things, so if I’m not doing those things, I have nothing to blog about. My blog has a purpose and it is failing to achieve that purpose. Do I still deserve to have a blog?
I have a friend who suggested blog posts themselves should be counted as creative achievements. At the time, I thought that would make the whole thing too easy. My inner critic is laughing his head off. It’s an evil laugh. He thinks I’m a complete slacker and I will never do anything creative. I am determined to prove him wrong. If I don’t do anything else, I will do this one thing; I will write this blog. I’ve decided that I’m just going to do it. At least once a week, I will update this blog. If I haven’t done anything creative, I will blog about something else, but I will blog. I will not count blog entries on my list of fifty things, because that list is supposed to be for all the things I dream of doing but never do. Writing is something I do every day, thanks to Julia Cameron and The Artist’s Way.
If I can write Morning Pages every day, I can write a blog post once a week. Some entries will be entirely lame. I’ve decided to go ahead and live with that instead of trying to live with the fact that I am not keeping up with my blog. I would love to make every entry a polished gem about a wonderfully creative thing I have accomplished that week, but the truth is, I struggle. I resist. Instead of doing something creative, I might just read about someone else doing something creative. I might just read a fantasy novel or watch an uplifting movie. I might spend hours on Facebook, resisting the urge to correct people’s grammar.
I imagined doing that polished gem kind of blog and I imagined a perfect year of being creative in all the ways I have not been creative since I quit the cubical job, but I am learning that any blog I can actually keep up with will have to be more honest and real than that. I struggle. I will keep on struggling, because that’s what I do, but I will not neglect the blog. If I can’t do anything else, I can write. It’s what I do when I don’t know what to do.